Three Sticks — Personal Development for Christians

The first part of this article defined purpose and described how I came to find my purpose. This second part will discuss my purpose as I understand it, why it motivates me and describe some high level ideas I have to accomplish my purpose.

My purpose has been an elusive target and I admit that I’m not exactly sure how I will accomplish it, but I will accomplish it. I believe that my purpose is to empower, teach and heal other people. I know this is right because when I think about my purpose and what it could mean I’m touched at the core of who I am in a way that leaves me completely vulnerable.

My purpose stems directly from my experience and this feels right to me. However, I would caution anyone who is searching for their purpose not to limit their purpose to their experiences or what they know. Your purpose can take you to places that you’ve haven’t yet imagined and you would not want to unintentionally limit yourself. Of course, you will know when your purpose is right, as Steve Pavlina states in his article, How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes, you’ll know when you answer the question What is my purpose? and you cry at your response.

Answering the question, What is my purpose? led me to a purpose that is a direct response to the pain and suffering that I have endured over the last 30 years. Like many people, growing up was a tough experience for me despite what seems from the outside to be game winning advantages. Unfortunately, my immediate family faced several interlocking challenges that left us powerless and wounded including:

• My parents experiences, especially those of my father, which caused my parents to govern our household on what seems to be traditional principles of fear and discipline. Thus, my siblings and I missed much of the kindness, compassion and safety afforded to our peers by their parents.
• Being African-American children in a primarily white environment, we had to endure the painful and subtle racism that has seeped into what is ironically an overly protective politically correct culture.
• Lacking a firm spiritual foundation and tradition, which forced each of us to find our own path through the wilderness of past pain, racism, youth and middle age, divorce and tragedy.
• Casualties, like my father, who is no longer connected with the family in any meaningful way and my brother who suffered a severe brain injury because of an auto accident.

Through all of the pain and suffering, the survivors, my mother, my other brother, sister and me, have struggled to hold together our little band.

After ten years of what can only be described as a hell of broken dreams, broken bodies and broken hearts we have entered a period of promise where those who are able are beginning to address their hurts and acknowledge what we have gone through. The scars from these experiences are quite deep and will likely take some time to heal, and are unlikely to heal completely. There will always be a visible reminder in the empty chairs at Christmas dinner to bring into focus what has come before. Regardless, we hope that the pain we endured can help someone else and in doing so give our pain meaning and purpose.

This pain drives me to want to help others in those areas that I have struggled with for so long. I want to make other people feel empowered to accomplish their purpose, to teach them to overcome where they are, to help heal those deep seated wounds that so many people carry. When I look at this world there are so many people who are suffering and don’t know why and don’t understand why it won’t stop. I believe that knowledge can help heal, to know why can give you the strength to deal with the what. I have learned this lesson the hard way.

As a child and teenager, I loved science and I wanted to go to college to become a genetic engineer. In the mid-nineties this was not as obviously viable a career choice as it is today. I loved science so much that I took 7 science courses in 4 years of high school. I accomplished this feat by doubling and tripling up on science classes in some years. I took virtually every AP course my high school offered (I believe it was 9). One may have assumed from my level of preparation that after entering the University of Virginia that I would have graduated with a degree in a scientific or engineering discipline. Instead I graduated with a degree in History with a minor in African-American studies. I discovered once I got to UVA that I wasn’t really motivated in my science and math classes despite having some excellent professors and teaching assistants. The pain that I experienced from being discriminated both overtly and subtly from both white and black students required some form of explanation. I realized that I simply didn’t have the knowledge or vocabulary to comprehend or even describe my experience. Through the formal study of history and the African-American experience, I developed the intellectual tools that allowed me to rationalize my experience and more easily deal with the raw painful emotion that had sat simmering just below the surface waiting to explored out into the world. I have forever held it in to prevent others from stereotyping me as yet another angry black man. Since graduation, I have been buoyed by the knowledge I gained in college and it has made it easier for me to come to terms with my past and to see my future with a greater sense of hope.

If knowledge and understanding can measurably improve my life then I believe that it can similarly improve the lives of others. To this end I want to help other people understand who they are, the power within them and their place in the larger world. The ultimate goal is to help heal some of the pain in the world.

I’m now beginning to make the transition from being lost to having this overwhelming sense of direction and what’s right for me. In doing so, I know that my life as it stands will have to change substantially. I have to let go of many of my old habits and thoughts and instead cultivate new behaviors and thoughts. I know that I will have to make what will appear at the time to be some hard choices in the future.

For example, I am currently struggling to understand where my love of technology and business fit in my new path. I have always loved technology and it has been the basis of my career since I took my first professional job as a software tester at the age of 14. I have had an excellent career in technology. It culminated with me serving as the Chief Architect for the State of Georgia for the last 6 years after taking the job at age 24. It was a wonderful accomplishment but I wasn’t satisfied deep down because it was outside of my path.

Similarly, my brother and I started a software company, Miles Ahead LLC, and we are in the process of launching our first product, SafetyNet Wireless Firewall - www.safetynetprotects.com. Do I abandon that business and my brother after all of the time, money and effort has gone in to it? Or is it a part of my purpose? If so, where does it fit? How do I maintain congruency with my purpose by holding onto this work? My role in the company focuses primarily on my burgeoning business skills in sales, marketing, planning etc. I do enjoy the work and I would hate to let it all go.

I hope to be able to align our company and my love of business and technology in support of my purpose. I’m not sure yet as to how these elements will play a role going forward, but I believe it is possible to make them all work together.

Lastly, I am considering entering graduate school. There are several reasons for this decision including:

• The exposure in a formal to different subjects and theories would help me develop and evolve my message;
• Research will definitely be a big part of what I will be doing in the future and having graduate level training in research will definitely be a benefit;
• Having a PhD in an appropriate social science or humanities discipline would add additional credibility to what I have to say. I don’t foresee this as a prerequisite;
• I would like the opportunity to teach at the university level and that is something that requires a graduate degree;
• I think the discourse with other intellectual would be fun;
• I honestly would like to be one of the first in my extended family to receive a PhD;
• It feels right.

I’m not sure what discipline I would pursue, the obvious candidates include history, sociology, psychology or some interdisciplinary program. I believe that when the time is right it will be revealed to me.

It’s true that there are some open questions, but these are all how questions. The what has been answered. The path is clear.

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