Three Sticks — Moses on Life

Earlier this week I received an email from a friend of mine where she mentioned an action that she took that she now regrets. Her action cannot be undone and it caused irreparable harm to someone else. She desperately wants to forgive herself, but has not found the strength or willingness to do so. Her struggle with forgiving herself reminds me of my own struggle with forgiveness.

I have an extremely strained and painful relationship with my father. Although I love him, I am still working on forgiving him for some of the painful mistakes that he made in raising me. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to force myself forgive him but I’ve realized that in order to develop the capacity to forgive him, I have to forgive myself first. At first glance that might sound odd, but often our struggles with the outside world are really a reflection of our own consciousness. This is what Steve Pavlina refers to as subjective reality. The underlying premise of subjective reality is that there is nothing other than your own consciousness. Essentially this means that whatever you think and believe is what will become. This is the law of attraction rearing its head again. I will write an article that goes into greater depth about my take on the law of attraction. I agree with most of it with one notable exception and that is that in my worldview the law of attraction is governed by God and made possible by our faith in him.

I have begun to forgive myself. It has not been easy. Through prayer, meditation and counseling I’ve followed a series of steps that have allowed me to let go of some of the pain that I carry around and to forgive myself for my mistakes both large and small.

Steps to Forgiveness

1. Acknowledge your mistakes
2. Accept your mistakes
3. Confess your mistakes to God
4. Realize that all of your mistakes and sins where forgiven when Jesus died on the cross
5. Realize that God loves you and wants the best for you and that he will continue to forgive you regardless of the nature and scope of your mistake or sin (however you may have to deal with the consequences of your actions)

These steps seem simple in themselves, however I have discovered that it is far easier to understand these steps intellectually than it is to embrace them with your soul. Like many programs designed to improve your life the first step is often the hardest. In order to truly forgive yourself, you may have to revisit the most painful experiences of your life. Sometimes it’s those moments when we were completely embarrassed by a blunder we made or it those other moments when we hurt someone we cared for deeply. I have found that it is difficult to face those moments alone and it helps to have someone who you can share those moments with who won’t judge you for your actions.

Once you get past those first three steps you will most likely feel a sense of freedom that is very hard to describe. It’s a feeling that warms your soul and let’s you truly embrace yourself, faults and all. Once I reached that stage, I realized that I needed permission to forgive myself. I found permission in God’s word. Here are a few scripture references that address forgiveness and provided enough comfort for me to forgive myself for my own mistakes and sins. These are referenced from Bible Promises for You: from the New International Version.

Scriptures of Forgiveness

1. Acts 2:38, Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
2. Ephesians 1:7, In Jesus we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s Grace.
3. Nehemiah 9:17, You are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.
4. 1 John 1:9, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins an purify us from all unrighteousness.

I hope that these scriptures allow you to find forgiveness for yourself in the same way that they allowed me to find forgiveness for myself. Although I have described it as a series of discrete steps, the process it ultimately very personal and very emotional and as a result is much more complicated than the implied A+B = C nature of the steps I proposed.

To find forgiveness for others you first have to forgive yourself. To forgive yourself you have to be willing to uncover experiences that you’ve locked away in the recesses of your mind.

I am still going through the process and I have yet to fully forgive my father. Although, I no longer harbor any animosity towards him I and I have yet to truly forgive him. I am reminded of Matthew 6:14 where, Jesus said, “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. I know that in time I must forgive my father. I know that I will forgive him because it is my duty to God to do so and I want to experiene life with only joy residing in my heart.

Trackback URL for this post.